


Mass Effect: The Luchadores

by ZeusParker



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy, Saints Row
Genre: Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-22 03:51:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11371995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZeusParker/pseuds/ZeusParker
Summary: While having lunch on the Citadel, four of Commander Shepard's companions find themselves caught in the middle of a gang war, started by a gang that models itself after Mexican wrestlers from 20th/21st century Earth.





	1. In which our heroes are rudely interrupted.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying something different here. In the past I have always waited until a fic was finished (I counted each part of the 4 part Voyager fic I did their own 'thing'), but for this story, which I've actually wanted to do for awhile, I'm going to take a stab at serializing. Hopefully, this will motivate me to finish it faster. The idea is to post each part I have completed once the part after it is almost done. Ideally, I will post two chapters per calendar month, though if I get seasonal employment at Amazon again that could be tougher come September/October.

There weren’t many human-dominated districts in the wards of the Citadel given how relatively new humanity was to the galactic scene. Fewer still would’ve had restaurants in them with food suitable for a Krogan, but Jacob Taylor knew where one was. He took in a whiff of his spicy noodles while his compatriots sat around him, including the aforementioned Krogan.   


“Hmm,” Urdnot Grunt said. “I had no idea humans could make decent spicy food.”   


“It’s called curry,” Kasumi Goto said. “One of the best spices in the galaxy.”   


“It’s from Earth?” Grunt said.   


“Yep,” Kasumi said. “India specifically.”   


“I might just have to visit there once we’ve taken down the Collectors,” Grunt said, taking another bite.   


“I have to admit to feeling somewhat left out,” Miranda Lawson said. “I seem to be the only person at this table with a low tolerance for spicy foods. I wonder if my father did that to me on purpose.”   


“You didn’t have to come with, Miranda,” Jacob said. “The invite was open and optional. Speaking of which, anyone see Mordin? I thought he was coming.”   


“Who knows,” Grunt said. “That Salarian gets an idea for an experiment and you practically have to drag him out of that lab.”   


Jacob chuckled. Grunt was not wrong, that was for sure. The whole plan had been a long shot anyway. Samara was still coping with having had to kill her daughter on Omega, the Commander and Tali had gone off the help Thane and Garrus respectively tie up some loose ends, and Zaeed had made it clear that he had no desire to join his crewmates for lunch   


“We better not take too long,” Miranda said, her plate of appetizers already cleared. “Soon as Shepard and the others get back we’re off to the dead Reaper to get that IFF.”

“You can’t rush fine cuisine like this, Lawson,” Kasumi said.

"I don’t understand the appeal of eating stuff with such a high scoville rating,” Miranda said.  


“Uh, guys?” Grunt said.   


“Too each their own, Miranda,” Jacob said.   


“Guys?”   


“But over a certain point on the scale-” Miranda started.   


“Guys!”   


“What is it, Grunt?” Kasumi said.   


“Line of big humans with masks and guns,” Grunt said casually, pointing towards the large front window of the restaurant.

Jacob turned to look, just in time to see all the men Grunt was talking about raising their weapons, aimed right at the front of the establishment, civilians outside running away in panic.   


“Aw, crap,” Jacob yelled, instinctively flipping the table up so he and the others could dive behind it, Miranda raising a biotic shield just as the weapons fire began.   


“Everybody down!” she yelled.   


Grunt and Kasumi armed themselves from cover, popping up briefly to fire off a few shots, but they weren’t hitting anything. There was a brief pause in the fire, presumably for whoever these attackers were to let their weapons cool down. Jacob almost had to admire the guts on these guys to not split right away, since C-Sec had to be on the way. Going into solider-mode, he rolled out from behind Miranda’s biotic shield and raised his pistol, firing two shots into the masked man who had the largest gun, a type of weapon Jacob didn’t even think they made anymore. The target was knocked back, but didn’t drop.   


_ Body armor. Figures. _   


Jacob was ready to fire again, but he heard a loud crash as Grunt knocked the table he and Kasumi had ducked behind aside and charged at the masked men, only two of whom got off a shot before the full speed Krogan barreled into them, knocking them to the ground. If either of those shots had hit Grunt, his armor likely absorbed the damage.   


“ _ Retroceder! Retroceder! _ ” one of the men yelled, the others who weren’t grappling with Grunt running off in one direction, as the sound of C-Sec sirens started coming from the other. With a biotic blast of his own, Jacob knocked one of the remaining attackers down, while Grunt finished off the last with a shotgun blast to the stomach. At such close range, even the body armor couldn’t protect him, and he slumped to the ground.   


“Better put that away before C-Sec gets here,” Jacob said as he jogged over to stand next to Grunt.

“Yeah, I imagine the cops’ll have questions for us,” Grunt said.   


“Don’t worry about it,” Jacob said. “We didn’t do anything wrong. Any security monitors nearby, plus all the witnesses, C-Sec will know we were just defending ourselves.”   


“Plus we’ve got a Spectre who will bail us out if they don’t believe us. Only reason I’m not gonna bother putting up a fight,” Grunt said. “I wanna save my energy for the rest of the masked punks if I ever get my hands on ‘em.”   


"Speaking of,” Miranda said, she and Kasumi having moved to stand by Jacob and Grunt, “who the hell were those guys?”  


“Definitely human,” Kasumi said. “The masks were all different, but had the same color scheme. I’m guessing some new district gang. I’ve certainly never heard of them.” Kasumi touched her omni-tool and quickly went invisible, much to Jacob’s annoyance. “I’ll go see what I can find out.”   


“This is C-Sec’s problem, not ours,” Miranda said, but as far as she knew Kasumi was already out of earshot.   


“Hold it right there!” a Turian C-Sec officer yelled, his assault rifle levelled at the three remaining  _ Normandy _ crew members, all of whom put their hands up, even Grunt.   


“Remember,” Jacob said quietly, “we were just eating lunch when the establishment was attacked.”   


“You say that like it’s a cover story,” Grunt said. “We  _ were _ just eating lunch. That’s part of why I’m so pissed.”


	2. In which our heroes are roped into a war.

C-Sec headquarters on Zakera Ward didn’t have enough chairs to accommodate all the witnesses from the latest incident, so Captain Armando-Owen Bailey got involved with taking statements directly; a task he normally could delegate to a subordinate. Specifically, he was taking the statements of three of the four known associates of the formerly dead Spectre Jill Shepard, the fourth having vanished at the scene.

A lot of his officers hadn’t taken too kindly to him telling them to not worry about her, but he made it clear that turning the Citadel upside- down to look for a woman with high end cloaking technology who had the backing of a Spectre and thus by (some) extension the Council made it more trouble than it was worth.   


“Besides,” the man named Jacob Taylor told him, “she’s gathering evidence. She wants to help with… whoever those guys were.”   


“They’re called the Luchadores,” Bailey said. “Not surprised you haven’t heard of them. If you’re palling around with Shepard I imagine you have bigger fish to fry than gangs from the Wards.”   


“Technically true,” Jacob said, “but if Shepard were here she’d want to help, I think we both know that. Besides, I don’t like people who randomly shoot civilians.”   


Bailey looked at Jacob’s companions; fellow suspected Cerebus associate Miranda Lawson, and a young Krogan who called himself Grunt. Miranda sighed.   


"Well, if Jacob’s going to help you with these Luchadores, I’m in too.”  


“Same here,” Grunt said. “I wanna make them pay for shooting up my lunch.”   


Bailey sighed. “If you weren’t friends of Shepard… Alright. I’ll fill you in on the details, or at least the ones we have.”   


“Like what’s a Luchadore,” Grunt said.   


“Mexican wrestler,” Miranda said. “That’s the short version anyway.  Luchadore culture has a history going back centuries. I imagine real Luchadores don’t take too kindly to this gang’s gimmick.”   


“This gang certainly treats it more like a gimmick,” Bailey said. “On the occasions when we manage to take any of them in alive, they act like we’ve violated their civil rights when we take their masks off.”

“For real luchadores,” Miranda said, “their masks are part of who they are. On Earth it was considered a humiliation to lose one’s mask during a match. Every luchadore I ever heard of only ever took off their masks willingly when they retired. They’d even wear them when they went out in public.”

“I’m curious why you even know all this,” Jacob said.   


Miranda cleared her throat. “Actually, EDI’s been feeding me information over my comm. She looked up the term when Bailey used it.”   


Bailey figured whoever this ‘Edie’ person was was another Shepard associate who for whatever reason decided to stay on the _Normandy SR-2_.  _ Not my circus, not my monkeys _ , he thought before continuing with the briefing.

“As for these thugs, they first showed up on the Citadel not too long after the whole mess with Sovereign and the Geth. Not too long after the man we suspect is their ringleader, Eddie Pryor, a.k.a. Killbane, who is something of a minor celebrity in the Human areas, but has a small but vocal fan base among Turians and Krogan too, suddenly turned on his now former partner, Angel De LaMuerte, during a bout and unmasked him. We don’t know for sure, but rumor has it that Killbane was jealous that Angel was on the road to being more popular than him. Another theory is that he did it to keep Angel from finding out that he was organizing a gang; running guns, drugs, etc. all over the Wards and even up on the Presidium.”   


“I imagine the chaos caused by the attack was a major boon to business,” Jacob said.   


“To put it mildly,” Bailey said.   


"So why haven’t you brought Eddie in for questioning?” Miranda said.   


“Or just killed him?” Grunt said.   


Bailey ignored Grunt’s question and focused on Miranda’s. “No hard evidence. The Luchadores aren’t like other Citadel gangs. They fight back when most run. More often than not Luchas we bring into C-Sec HQ come in in body bags. And the ones we bring in alive refuse to talk, no matter what we offer them.”   


“More loyal than your average Citadel street gang too, apparently,” Jacob said.   


“More ruthless too,” Bailey said, “as the restaurant incident demonstrated. This is fairly new, though. They didn’t use to be this brazen until the past few weeks, but lately, they’ve been turning the Wards into war zones. They’ve been hitting establishments where the owners pay protection to one of the other Ward gangs.”   


“Looks like Killbane is going for a hostile takeover,” Miranda said.   


“Sounds about right,” a voice said from beside Bailey, causing him to jump and instinctively going for his gun.   


“Relax, Captain,” a human woman who had somehow managed to walk into the Captain’s office without being seen said.   


“What did you find?” Jacob asked the woman.   


_ Shepard’s invisible friend, _ Bailey thought.  _ Damn near gave me a heart attack. _

“A lot,” the woman said. “For starters, Bailey’s not kidding about the Luchadores declaring war. I found a few of them talking to each other on Level 23. They were talking about having just raided a cache of red dust that some gang called The Red Vultures.”   


“Who?” Bailey said.   


“They operate out of a different district,” the woman said. “Oh, where are my manners. I’m Kasumi by the way. That’s all you need to know about me. Back to the point, the Vultures operate quietly, generally making their profits by picking off the remains of the more flamboyant gangs that C-Sec breaks up. Hence the name.”   


“How did-” Bailey said.   


“On a related note,” Kasumi said, smiling, “your people are about to get an anonymous tip about the Vultures.”

“That was nice of you, Kasumi,” Jacob said.   


“I’m not being purely altruistic,” Kasumi said. “Haven’t been hanging around Shep that long. But the Red Vultures’ style just pisses me off. Gives the rest of us thief types a bad name.”   


Miranda simply rolled her eyes, while Bailey decided to change the topic.   


"What else did you learn about the Luchadores?” he asked.

“Well,” Kasumi said, pulling up her omni-tool, “since the two gentlemen I found didn’t know I was there they were kind enough to talk openly about why they hit the restaurant we were at.”   


“We figured that part out on our own,” Bailey said. “Anything else?”   


“That there were going to be more hits today, but orders came down from ‘the top’ as they put it to call it off. One of the Luchas who got away in the chaos apparently has friends in the information game who were able to tag Miranda and Jacob as associates of Shepard, and the Luchadores don’t want to risk bringing the wrath of a Spectre who apparently came back from the dead on them.”   


“Smart,” Bailey said, “but that sucks for us. If they’ve gone to ground that’s going to make it harder to shut down their operations.”   


“They’re only laying low until the _Normandy_ leaves,” Kasumi said.   


Grunt scoffed. “We have no idea how long Shepard’s gonna be with Garrus and Thane’s business, and these masked pyjaks ruined my noodles. I say C-Sec sit back and let us take the fight to this gang ourselves.”   


“Alright,” Miranda said. “I don’t think it’s the best use of our time, but I don’t like being shot at either. Kasumi?”   


Kasumi shrugged. “Could be fun.”   


Miranda looked at Jacob. “Helping was your idea, so I think you should run this op,” she said. Jacob opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted.

“Captain,” a Turian officer said as he entered the office. “We just got word the Luchadores hit a suspected Blue Suns hideout.”   


“So much for laying low,” Kasumi said. “Maybe that crew hadn’t got the word yet.”   


“When was this?” Bailey said.   


“There weren’t any civilians in the area,” the Turian said. “We only know because one of our informants pinged us when it was over. But it looks like it happened just a few minutes after the restaurant hit.”   


“Maybe the restaurant was a distraction,” Jacob said.   


“Nah,” Bailey said, “that’s not really the Luchadores’ style. Besides, the Eighty-Threes, that’s the gang the restaurant's owner was paying protection to, has had a non-aggression pact for want of a better term with the Blue Suns for years.”

Jacob stood up. “Alright, Kasumi, we’re going to that crime scene, see if we can find anything that will lead us to a solid connection between the Luchadores and Killbane. Miranda, you and Grunt go talk to Angel De LaMuerte.”

“Why us?” Grunt said.

“Because if my feminine wiles can’t get him to talk,” Miranda said, “perhaps your brute strength can.”   


“Ah, ‘Good Cop, Bad Cop,’” Grunt said.   


“Where’d you learn that phrase?” Kasumi asked.   


“I have a lot of time to read between missions,” Grunt said. “Not a lot of stuff to kill in the cargo bay so I gotta fill my time somehow.”


	3. In which two of our heroes see some gruesome things.

After being let through to the building, the Turian C-Sec officer who’d been sent to escort Jacob and Kasumi to the site of the Luchadore attack stood off to side, looking out towards the street..   


“Careful not to touch anything,” he said. “Our crime scene techs have already gone over it, but not everything’s been bagged and tagged yet.”   


“Got it,” Jacob said.   


“What are we looking for then?” Kasumi said. “I doubt that any of the Luchadores would’ve been stupid enough to just drop a datadisk with all the info we need to incriminate Pryor.”   


“Agreed,” Jacob said. “But at the moment this crime scene is all we’ve got. Besides, we both have equipment better than anything C-Sec has.”

“Good point,” Kasumi said, as the door to the damaged warehouse the Blue Suns had been using while it still awaited repairs after the attack on the Citadel two years ago opened.   


Jacob’s eyes went wide. It turned out the C-Sec officer had undersold just how much damage had been done here. The place was littered with spent heat packs, as well bodies of various humans, Batarians, and Turians. Only two of the bodies weren’t wearing the armor of the Blue Sun, but the red, yellow, and green armored up wrestling gear of the Luchadores.   


“This is a gang war all right,” he said.   


“Given the amount of bloodshed it’s either that,” Kasumi said, “or a Tarja versus Annette debate.”

Jacob didn’t get the reference, but he ignored it. Instead he turned on his omni-tool and began scanning the area.   


“Send everything to EDI,” Jacob said. “Maybe she can sort it out.”   


“Not hard to guess about some of it,” Kasumi said. “Look at the dead Luchas. Only two of them.”   


“Well that’s not hard to explain,” Jacob said. “It was an ambush, and they had big guns.”   


“But the Blue Suns had way better armor, and some of them had biotics. You can see the biotic power boosters on some of the armor pieces.”   


“Good point,” Jacob said. “Even if they were caught off guard they should’ve put up a better fight than this.”   


Kasumi stood over one of the dead Luchadores and tilted her head.   


“Ah, I see. Clever.”   


“What is it?”   


“There’s a filter on this mask,” Kasumi said. “The other one probably has one too. Looks like a DIY job, but it would be enough to protect the wearer from most forms of gas.”   


Jacob ran his omni-tool over the lucha masks of the two dead gang members.   


“Most ones poisonous to humans anyway,” Jacob said. “The kinds of gas weapons that the Asari or Salarians have used in the past would melt these filters in seconds.”   


“I bet there’s a gas grenade canister or two in here,” Kasumi said.   


“If there are, C-Sec’s techs probably already spotted them,” Jacob said.   


“I don’t doubt it,” Kasumi said. “They’ve never been good enough to catch me but that doesn’t mean they’re stupid. I’m just that good. I’m just saying it gives us a clearer picture of how this fight went down.”

Jacob looked around some more, and sighed. “Even so, I don’t think there’s anything here that could give us a link between these guys and Eddie Pryor.”   


“You think C-Sec already went through the dead Luchadores’ pockets?” Kasumi asked.   


“If they didn’t they wouldn’t be good at their jobs.”

“I meant the hidden pockets,” Kasumi said. “They’ve got some subtly extra ones sewed into the straps they kept their spare ammo on.”

Jacob shrugged. “Give ‘em a look.”   


Kasumi knelt down carefully next to one of the dead Luchadores and gingerly moved her fingers along the inside of his vest.   


“Ah, here we go. I know a datadisk when I feel one,” she said.   


“Let’s get that to Bailey,” Jacob said.   


“Hang on,” Kasumi said, holding the disk in one hand while running her omni-tool over it. “Let’s make sure it’s something worth giving. Our reputation as friends of a Spectre are at stake.”

Jacob wondered if Kasumi actually meant that, or if she just wanted a copy of the data on the disk for herself first. After that, he wondered if it really mattered as long as they finished what they started before Shepard got back.   


“Hmm,” Kasumi said. “Not much here I didn’t already know from my eavesdropping earlier. Lists of weapon caches, dates of deliveries, layouts of businesses owned or paying protection to the other gangs… and vids on how to build your own miniguns with legally purchasable parts and tools from Citadel shops. Yikes.”   


“So nothing that links Pryor and the Luchadores,” Jacob said. “Damn. This guy’s good at keeping his hands clean.”   


“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far,” Kasumi said with a grin. “It’s not enough to take him down completely, but I also found the travel itinerary for the wrestlers Killbane’s fighting in his next big match.”   


“And?”   


“And explicit orders to report to, and I quote, ‘the 3-Count,’ if anyone from C-Sec tries to bring them in for questioning.”   


“Do they come from Pryor himself?”   


“No, the note doesn’t have a signature on it. But the 3-Count is a casino in the wards co-owned by one Eddie “Killbane” Pryor.”   


Jacob thought about it for a moment. “Might not be enough for C-Sec, but it’s good enough for me. Give that disk to the officer outside while I get us a shuttlecar.”


	4. In which our other two heroes hit the gym

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly this took so long. I honestly thought this would be done by now. But at the very least, I already know how this story ends. It's getting there that's the hard part.

Despite being in an area mercifully spared by the worst of both the falling debris of Sovereign and the Geth attack, the gym belonging to Angel De La Muerte was in a sorry state. The windows were cracked, graffiti in English, Spanish, and even some Turian covered the front, and the door looked like it had been used for target practice fairly recently. The sign above the entrance flickered weakly, two of the letters from the name missing and some type of sludge Miranda didn’t want to identify covered most of the logo, including De La Muerte’s face.   
“Charming place,” Grunt muttered sarcastically.

Miranda looked around. “My guess is the places still recovering from the Geth attack are getting all the resources, which means neighborhoods like this end up relying on the locals for upkeep. And if nobody around here cares…”   
“Based on the graffiti,” Grunt said, “a lot of Killbane fans like to kick a guy when he’s down. I see at least three variations on the phrase ‘Go back to Earth.’”   
“And all because he lost his mask,” Miranda said, shaking her head.

“I don’t get sports fans,” Grunt said. “From what Bailey told us, Angel was stabbed in the back by this Killbane guy. I’m proud of the fact that every merc, Geth, or Collector I’ve killed saw me coming. That’s how it should be.”

“It may not be the fans,” Miranda said. “This could be the work of the Luchadore gang.”   
“Well, either way, we should see if this Angel guy is even here,” Grunt said.   
“According to my C-Sec contact he is,” Miranda said. “Let’s go. Just-”   
“Let you do the talking?” Grunt said.   
“Well… yes.”   
“Fine by me,” Grunt said. “Just give me a signal if you need me to look intimidating.”   
Miranda nodded, glad that Grunt wasn’t offended that she was taking the lead on this. The two walked across the pedestrian walkway to Angel’s gym and stepped inside. Once inside they found Angel in the practice ring in the center of the gym, practicing wrestling moves on a set of old-fashioned physical practice dummies, the kind Miranda had only ever seen in pictures.

The two stepped up to the ropes, actual physical ropes in keeping with the establishment’s retro feel, and waited for Angel to finish before trying to get his attention. They didn’t have to though, as Angel spotted them first.   
“You’re not any of Killbane’s thugs,” he said as he stood up. “But you aren’t C-Sec either.”

“Correct,” Miranda said. “But we do want to talk to you about Mister Pryor.”

“Killbane? Not much to tell that isn’t either common knowledge or common rumor,” Angel said. He looked at Grunt. “You looking for a match? Good luck with that. They don’t let Krogan in to lucha fights. Too likely to kill their opponents.”

“No,” Miranda said. “We’re… an independent group looking to expose the link between Killbane and the Luchadore gang here on the Citadel.”

“The thing that everyone knows, but no one can prove,” Angel said. “I for one would love to see Killbane exposed to the world as the criminal he is, but what little I know is speculation. If I had evidence, do you think I wouldn’t have shared it with C-Sec already?”

“I don’t have the same standards as C-Sec,” Miranda said.   
“No, I suppose you wouldn’t,” Angel said. “Unfortunately, all I have is rumors. Things I overheard some of his followers say, how the Luchadore gang dresses, stuff like that.”   
Miranda started to ask Angel to tell her what she knew but she was stopped by a gentle tap on the shoulder from Grunt.

“I have an idea,” he whispered. He stepped forward. Miranda briefly considered stopping him, but something in his tone suggested that maybe it was worth it to let him try whatever it was he was going to try.

“So you say Krogan aren’t allowed in matches,” Grunt said. “How hard and fast is that rule?”   
“It’s not written down, if that’s what you mean,“ Angel said. “Just that the rules don’t allow body armor or killing the opponent.”   
Grunt actually chuckled, to Miranda’s surprise. “I bet a lot of Krogan take that personally.”   
“They do,” Angel said. “The few that have tried to sign up, anyway. They don’t mind the armor part so much. Hell, most Krogan I ever met were wearing basic clothes, nothing metal.”   
“Well, what if a Korgan were the only option for the next match?” Grunt said. Miranda figured out where he was going with this, and tried not to smile. Even before meeting Grunt she knew full well that most Korgan were smarter than the rest of the galaxy gave them credit for.

“Good luck with that. Killbane already has a full set lined up for the next Murderbrawl event,” Angel said. “I know a lot of those guys. You can’t bribe them or intimidate them into dropping out. Plus, this close to the match, a lot of them will be in seclusion, focusing on training, avoiding fans.., some of them are probably even afraid of the Luchadores.”

“I’m sure we can think of something,” Grunt said. “We’re friends with a Spectre. We got access to crap you can’t even imagine.”   
Miranda heard a chirp and looked at her omni-tool; a message had been sent to her by Jacob and Kasumi.

“We might not need any of Shepard’s resources at all,” she said, showing what she’d been sent to Grunt. He laughed.   
“If you intend to do this,” Angel said, moving closer to the two of them for the first time in the whole conversation, “you will need to learn how to fight like a true luchadore. I am willing to teach you, if you are willing to learn.”   
“Like I would ever pass up a chance to learn a new fighting technique,” Grunt said. “Any Krogan who’d say no to that has too much pride and not enough heart.”


End file.
